just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just found a bag of teeth...
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
