Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize
