if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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