she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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