Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Randomize
