theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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