sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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