He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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