She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
