So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
