good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
