Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
