It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
