I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
