you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
