PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
A+ Viking dick
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
