sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She told me I should be a condom model.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
