its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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