I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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