Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
