She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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