she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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