I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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