is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
