Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
