So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
