It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
