I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Pants are for mortals
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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