She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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