'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
