operation have a gay friend backfired
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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