Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
