I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I fill condoms, not promises.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
