just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
