i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
