your room smells of hookers.
And success
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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