I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My breasts were aching with rage.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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