i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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