One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
