I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
