I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
