thus making me awesome and them whores
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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