i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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