so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize