It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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