nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
