It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
