Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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