yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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