It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
