I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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