I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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