i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
