I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
