i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
