it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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