If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She's the barista slut.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
