You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Boobs speak an international language.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The uberlube is also flammable
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
