Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
