Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
