What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
