Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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