One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Church boner. Awkwardddd
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
