just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
