Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
