I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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