How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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