It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
