either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize